Having seen an ‘Election Supplies’ vehicle

English as a Second Language (for someone special)

____________________flossing

____________________flushing

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The Kid Learns Quickly

Donny, my friends’ very observant and bright 13-month old, and I were taking our usual tour through the Whole Foods at Lincoln and Rose, yesterday. There were several food sample stations throughout the store. I particularly enjoyed the mini beef burger and Donny had his first tapioca pudding.

I always talk to him as if he can understand regular speech because, well, I don’t talk down to children. Donny is very handsome so he gets a lot of attention from passers-by. If an attractive woman pays him a compliment, he gives her a smile in return and I’ll suggest he ask her for her number. As we pass by the produce I’ll name the different items and, sometimes, describe the taste and/or nutritional benefits.

As we arrived at the pastry display case, I parked the stroller and proceeded to point at and name the various types:
“So here’s a chocolate croissant; that’s a Linzer cookie, there’s a bear claw…”

At that moment, a woman approached; her ample mid-section spilled over the top of her too tight jeans.

Donny pointed at her and exclaimed, “Muffin tops!”

“No, Donny, no.”

Esther, the ElfGirl – part 2

Stark Industries (NYSE – SIA) has announced a strategic partnership with ElfWorks Handmade (privately held).

Stark has licensed the ‘boot-mounted’ model of their ‘repulsor-ray’ technology to ElfWorks for “special use adaptation”. No further details were announced.

A representative for Stark Industries’ CEO, Anthony Stark, told Marketplace’s Stan Lee that he was unavailable for comment. An unnamed source revealed that Mr. Stark was not directly involved in the transaction as he is “traveling with colleagues, saving the world from the forces of evil”.

A call to ElfWorks’ headquarters elicited no direct responses to our questions; however, giggles and squeals could be heard in the background.

More details on this story as it develops.

Esther, the ElfGirl – part 1

MARCH 22, 2011
MEDIA RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE DISTRIBUTION

Stark Industries announces licensing of its ‘repulsor ray’ technology to ElfWorks Handmade.
The agreement is limited to the ‘boot-mounted’ model and permits “adaptation for special use”.

Stark Industries, Inc.
SIA (NYSE)

You win.

Recently I’ve been avoiding engaging those who wish to push an agenda, project their emotions or pick a fight with me. This is specifically in regard to e-mail communication. In order to pre-empt an unwanted dialog/discussion/argument, my stock response is, “I acknowledge your thoughts, feelings and opinions”. (In the event of a verbal experience, “I think you’ve had an opportunity to express yourself”, can be rather effective and, as a bonus, passively-aggressively satisfying.)

It has occurred to me that thoughts, feelings and opinions may be distinctive without being different. Not wanting to give up my mighty triumvirate or, heaven forbid, be challenged on the redundancy, I pondered a way to separate them further. Their respective unique sources were the answer.

So, where do thoughts come from?

That’s right: the brain.

And where do feelings come from?

Of course, feelings emanate from one’s heart.

Now, for opinions. Where are they produced?
Hmm. Opinions. Opinions.
Where, oh where do they come from?
Ah, yes.

Time and the Artist – part 2

From 1979-1986, I worked in a series of three architectural firms. (There was also a law firm and a printing company in there but they mess with the flow of the previous sentence and are too much minutiae even for me.)

“Isn’t it ironic?”
Alanis Morrissette

At the third and, by far, largest of these architectural firms (topped out at about 85 staff) I held the position of ‘Office Services Supervisor’. I and a small staff provided all goods, supplies and services required by the design, production, management and administrative groups.

NO! NO!! NO!!!
I was not a Concierge!
I was an ‘Office Services Supervisor’!

That’s more like it.

So in 1984, hand-drafting was still the predominate method for producing conceptual, schematic design, design development and construction documents (drawings) for this office and, likely, the overwhelming majority of the AEC (architectural/engineering/construction) industry.

Drafting tables covered with Borco (‘self-healing’ drafting surface),

outfitted with Maylines (parallel ruler)

and Spirolls (drawing protector)

were the platforms upon which vellum (translucent paper), sepia (translucent print) and Mylar (drafting film) were laid out to draw on with various hardness’s of pencils and different widths of technical pens. Linen was no longer being used as drafting media but continued to be the fashionable, if wrinkle-prone, suit fabric for Summer.

Time and the Artist – part 1

I have an acquaintance; she’s also an ex-lover. Lovers sometimes become acquaintances (especially when they continue to be married to someone else). Once, during the affair, she said, “Always but not forever”. Now, I know what she meant.

Among other things, she is a writer and a procrastinator: someone that practices Tantric self-love. I’m kidding. I know what procrastination is; I’ll tell you later.

(Ir)regardless, she once told me that, “the clock is the writer’s best friend”. I took that to mean that when a writer is on deadline, no matter how many more re-writes, edits, polishing, etc. they may want to apply to their work (because they can not ‘be finished’ with the piece on their own due to compulsive tinkering, procrastination and/or fear of having the work read, evaluated or, OMFG, judged), much to their relief/chagrin they must stop and submit it when the deadline time arrives.

“I told you that story to tell you this one……”
Arlo Guthrie

For Your Morning Commute.

Keep it under 150kph if it’s raining.

We are driving are driving driving on the Autobahn
Before us is a wide valley
The sun is shining with glittering rays
The road is a gray band
White stripes, green edge
We are switching to the radio
From the speaker it sounds:
We are driving on the highway …

My friend saw butterflies flying out from her TV screen…

…which made me realize, when people are high there will be ‘fuck-ups’.